Integral Coaching: A New Beginning

“Only the most broken people can be great leaders.”

With this quote begins the trailer for the new Black Panther movie, Wakanda Forever (epic trailer btw, put on some noise-cancelling headphones and watch if you want some inspiration..and goosebumps).

I find the above quote particularly powerful because it offers a truly meaningful invitation, central to my journey over the past year: in order to develop as humans, we need to be willing to break ourselves down to our core, interacting with our deepest corners, darkest fears, and most basic attachments so that we can then consciously and purposefully show up fully, embodying our most beautiful and essential qualities.

This weekend, I completed a year-long professional coaching course with New Ventures West, and was officially certified as an Integral Coach. The experience was one of the most moving, profound, and meaningful of my life. What made it particularly special was sharing all the emotions of it with my mom as she continues to heal from multiple myeloma (more to come on this shortly). And while in one sense it was a completion, in another sense, it’s just the beginning of a journey that will continue for the rest of my life.

In Integral Coaching, we aim to meet people where they are, to truly see them in all their beauty and uniqueness, and to include all that comes our way in life. There’s no such thing as a “better” or “best” version of ourselves; rather, we aim to combine wisdom and compassion, rigor and creative design, the immediately practical and the dreamily possible, to help each individual develop and grow over time, in whichever way they’re meant to unfold. Just like in music or dance, as Alan Watts says, the point in life is not to reach an end goal, but rather to live the process itself (trust me, I look ridiculous when I dance, and it’s still fun 😛).

“In music, one doesn’t make the end of the composition the point of the composition. If that were so, the best conductors would be those who played fastest; and there would be composers who only wrote finales. Same way in dancing — you don’t aim at a particular spot in the room. The whole point of the dancing is the dance.We thought life by analogy was a journey, was a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end. And the thing was to get to that end. Success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you’re dead. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing, or to dance, while the music was being played.”~ Alan Watts

Over the year, I learned to embrace — and even welcome — darkness, pain, and fear as beautiful and necessary parts of the human experience, while also continuing to radiate the light, warmth, and hope that flow from me naturally. I practiced “surrendering to the current of life” as our course leader Adam put it, and kept close to my heart the idea that “the greatest friend of the soul is the unknown” as our co-leader Sahar shared.

Together, we practiced letting go, embracing the delight and mystery and magic that results when you just say “yes” to life. My mentor coach Anamaria invited me to ruthlessly follow my heart, consistently reminding me to try and live life like a “poet” open to whatever comes my way, leaning fully into the human experience, whether easy or hard, light or dark, clear or obscure, rather than needing to plan or control like a “stressed out accountant” always trying to optimize.

As Rumi notes in the final passage his of beautiful poem “The Guest House” (below), in Integral Coaching, we work to “be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”

One of our final activities of the year was an appreciation exercise, in which we went around expressing gratitude for each of our classmates, including what makes them special, what gifts they have to offer the world, and what qualities we hope they appreciate more about themselves.

When it was my turn, my classmates shared a number of things that just melted me — from saying that I had a magic and magnetic presence that draws people in, to noting that I radiate light and warmth and shine like the sun, to appreciating my wild open heart and childlike sense of playfulness and joy, to calling out the way I naturally make people feel seen and heard, to celebrating my openness about the truth of the human condition, to articulating the possibility for me to more fully embrace who I am and share all of myself without trying to fit the mold of what might be expected of me at work or in my culture.

The experience was overwhelming, in the best possible way. In my life, I’ve never felt more seen, known, or acknowledged for what I bring to the world — while simultaneously struggling and learning and blossoming. Being in this program and alongside my classmates and teachers was a true gift. I felt a deep resonance with the methodology and incredible gratitude for everyone who invested in me and my development. And I’m coming out with a deeper, stronger, more passionate desire than ever to bring more love and light into the world. I know deep down in my heart that this is why I’m on this planet.

When I shared the experience of my certification with my mom, I broke down, sobbing. As I hugged her, she told me she’s known her entire life that I was meant to do this work, because I was born on Guru Purnima, the holiday in our tradition where we honor and appreciate spiritual teachers. Then she also cried deeply with me, saying she wasn’t sure she was going to be alive to see the day I graduated from this program (given her recent diagnosis) and that she was so truly happy for me and to share in the moment with me.

It was one of the most beautiful, surreal, powerful experiences of my life. Even with all of the places I’ve lived, and all the adventures I’ve had, and all the people I’ve met, and all the experiences I’ve chased…there’s nowhere I would’ve rather been for this moment than right next to my mom, at home in Tucson, just the way it happened. I’m still glowing from the raw shared emotion a few days later, and I’m so deeply grateful to have lived this experience with her.

To the advice my classmates gave me, I’m sharing all of this in the spirit of opening myself fully and being fully alive. I’m leaving here a picture of the notes I took on my final day during the appreciation exercise, so that I can look back at this from time to time to find inspiration. This will also remind me to continue being brave and putting myself out there, sharing my real and raw thoughts, emotions, practices, and light — even when I’m not sure if I’m qualified to share or experienced enough to offer wisdom.

Right now, I’m filled with energy and hope that I can keep bringing more of this Integral Coaching methodology and inclusive spirit to the world, for however long I have left on this planet. I look forward to continue sharing this beautiful experience of life with you all. Guess this means many more years of my friends endlessly teasing me for sharing things like Jay Shetty quotes and Arizona sunsets on Instagram. I can live with that :)

I’ll end with a couple passages.

First, from Stephen Hawking, as a way of expressing my heartfelt gratitude to the wonderful teachers who guided me on this journey, and all the teachers and gurus who came before this as well:

“The human mind is an incredible thing. It can conceive of the magnificence of the heavens and the intricacies of the basic components of matter. Yet for each mind to achieve its full potential, it needs a spark. The spark of enquiry and wonder. Often that spark comes from a teacher. If you look behind every exceptional person there is an exceptional teacher. When each of us thinks about what we can do in life, chances are we can do it because of a teacher.So remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don’t just give up. Unleash your imagination. Shape the future.”~ Stephen Hawking

And finally, from Jack Kornfield in his beautiful book A Path With Heart, as a reminder for myself and others to take advantage of every moment on this planet, and to continue bringing ourselves fully to life each day:

“The things that matter most in our life are not fantastic or grand. They are the moments in which we touch one another, when we are there in the most attentive or caring way. This simple and profound intimacy is the love that we all long for. Mother Teresa put it like this: “In this life, we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.”In the stress and complexity of our lives, we may forget our deepest intentions. But when people come to the end of their lives and look back, the questions that they most often ask are not usually “How much is in my bank account?” or “How many books did I write?” or “What did I build?” or the like. If you have the privilege of being with a person who is aware at the time of their death, you will find the questions such a person asks are very simple: “Did I love well?” “Did I live fully?” “Did I learn to let go?”One great teacher explained it this way: “The trouble with you is that you think you have time.” We don’t know how much time we have. What would it be like to live with the knowledge that this may be our last year, our last week, our last day? In light of this question, we can choose a path with heart.”~ Jack Kornfield

With all my love,

Ravi

Oh, and P.S., from the Wakanda Forever movie, on this theme:

“Show them who we are.”