Disturbing The Equilibrium.

In university, I had an incredible mentor. Michael Cochise Young. She was the director of the Flinn Scholars program, a program focused on who each of us could become and the impact we could have. We were meant to become an agents of discovery, creativity and leadership who will make a difference.

Michael would meet with me often through my undergraduate years, and over and over she’d repeat a phrase that has always stuck with me: Disturbing the Equilibrium. The idea behind this philosophy is that each of us grow, learn, and evolve only when we take ourselves out of our comfort zone (of course, with the appropriate support and resources). If we keep doing what we already know, live in places we’re familiar with, stick to seeing the same people over and over, then we stagnate. This even seeps into our health - physical, mental, and emotional. We’re dynamic, social creatures. We thrive when we take action, create new things, meet new people, have our worldviews continually challenged and expanded.

Over time, I’ve come to appreciate this philosophy more and more – even though I hate being uncomfortable. The thing is, many things which feel difficult in the moment are the same things we really appreciate later on. Trust me, when I’m the midst of wall sits or hip clamshells to rehab my knees, the burn I feel is miserable. And then afterwards I’m so glad I toughed it out.

I remember my first semester at the University of Arizona, I felt disappointed. Stuck. Like I was missing out. I always had this idea that I was supposed to go to some really fancy, prestigious school. Seeing pictures and videos from all these people in all these new places making all these new friends was really tough for me. But I stuck with it.

Years later, I realize what a gift this was. My equilibrium was disturbed because I had to stay in the discomfort of a situation that I didn’t want to be in. And because of it, I got to travel to so many different countries, having so many different experiences. My understanding of myself sharpened. I had zero student debt. And still, each time I’d see Michael, she’d ask me how I was disturbing my equilibrium. What actions was I taking, even little ones on a daily basis, that were pushing my limits.

To this day, sitting in discomfort, mentally and physically, is still one of the things I dread most. A couple of my friends told me the other day, pain is a gift. And to quote Rumi, the wound is where the light shines through.

So when I feel the anxiety seeping in, I try to remind myself that I’m disturbing my equilibrium. It’s not easy. But this is growth. This is evolution. This is transformation.